Letting Go and Feeling Proud by Zoe, PERU (4-week)

We all of us have just returned from an amazing trip to the Huayuash mountains. It was amazing in part because of the scenery- I can´t describe how arresting it is, nor will pictures do it justice- and in part because the group really became like one family. We smelled each other (yeah, we were pretty gross), slept sometimes four to a tent, carried each other´s backpacks, shared our precious water and snacks. It wasn´t a cheesy group bonding experience, it just genuinely felt like everyone was there for each other, that everyone knew it to be their responsibility to get each other home safe and sound.

Everything pales when you are climbing in the mountains. On our rest day, we all took about two hours of solo time to write in our journals and reflect on the past few weeks and our experiences in Peru. I spent the time reflecting on my last year, which was a year that Reilly aptly described as fear-mongering. We live in privileged homes; we´re all thinking about where we want to go to college; how we want to spend the rest of our life; what it means to be lucky and also to have responsibilites to other people. This last year was one, for me at least, of intense self-absorption and worrying about the future, fearing that I wasn´t going to get the grades or the test scores I wanted. Here, in Peru, none of that matters. These people work hard to eat- for them, a personal disaster is losing health, home, a job, not doing poorly on a standardized test that barely matters. I was concious of that before coming here but had somehow not internalized it, had somehow managed to rationalize that the things I have worried over and cried about mean so little in comparison with living and trying to survive in the Andes. And, in truth, living and trying to survive in the Andes is brutal. Nearly everyone had stomache problems, and it was cold out at night. But the stars were some of the most beautiful I´ve ever seen, and we experienced seemingly every weather condition of winter, from sun to snow. We´re living, eating, breathing from one moment to the next in a spirit of flexibility, moment snatching, and letting go. It has been challenging but we have amazing role models in our Peruvian guides, our homestay families, and the leaders who have trekked and almost carried us from place to place. I think it´s safe to say that we are all having a time that is incredible, not just because we´re being pushed in all directions outside our comfort zones or just that we´re all learning a lot, but that we all feel a sense of accomplishment in everything that we have done. We´re all learning that getting up a 15 and a half thousand foot mountain pass means a hell of a lot more than doing well on one´s SATS. I think we´re all finding that the real life experiences we have as dragons will define the kinds of thinkers and travellers we are becoming, and will push all of our everyday experiences back home back into focus. I have been pondering what it will be like to go back home to the relatively superficial world that is home, and how I will describe camping in fields of donkey poop surrounded by some of the most beautiful peaks and glacial lakes anywhere, how I could explain the power of watching a sheep get butchered, how it will feel to talk about being dirty and cold and hungry and some of the happiest I´ve been in a long time.

I am proud of every one of my group members, and, selfishly, proud of myself. I had a conversation the first night of the trek with one of my groupmates about letting oneself feel proud and content in one´s achievements, and how difficult that is in our home culture where good enough is always a little bit away. I think today, back at 10000 feet of elevation, with comfort food in our stomaches and clean for the first time in days- still no hot water!- we are all letting ourselves feel proud.

Love to all the people at home.